The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
