when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
