I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did i just pee glitter
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
