did you get engaged???
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
