His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
