Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
