She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and i looked up. we had an audience...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
