I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
