Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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