I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
