Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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