New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
