just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You may now shotgun with the bride
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
