At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
