The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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