did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
