Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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