You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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