My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
