Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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