My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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