"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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