please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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