This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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