The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Small penises have feelings too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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