Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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