Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
