yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
