hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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