so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
