Plan B is the new Plan A
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
