Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
