I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
