oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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