508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
