I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
