Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
