i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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