its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
