I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
