I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
