his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
