Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
