So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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