IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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