You're so nebulous sometimes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
