Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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