the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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