It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
