I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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