The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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