Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
