she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
