sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I deserve this hangover.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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