Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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